


The Noble Sacrifice Support Group

by SaphireStain



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Sherlock (TV), Supernatural, Wonder Woman (2017), X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canonical Character Death, Crack, Fictional Character Afterlife, Gen, Women in Refrigerators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 07:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12907095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaphireStain/pseuds/SaphireStain
Summary: This is just how I imagine this particular conversation would go.I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it.





	The Noble Sacrifice Support Group

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively titled "Real Housewives of the Refrigerator"

Mary Was livid. How had she managed to die in such a meaningless way? Why? It hadn’t made a single bit of difference! The rest of the season wasn’t even that good! It all seemed so pointless and manufactured. She suddenly found herself standing in front of a windowless white door. It was just like one of the doors she remembered seeing in hospitals when she was alive: plain except for the stainless steel panel on the side that indicated where she was to push it. She opened the door quietly, curious as to what was on the other side.

“Alright everyone we have our most recent addition to the Noble Sacrifice Support Group.” A blonde, American woman was standing before a half circle of chairs with other women sitting in them. No one looked particularly happy to be there. The blonde woman pointed to Mary — who hadn’t known that she’d been noticed — as she read from a folder in her hands; “This is Mary Watson, and she is from the BBC’s Sherlock television show.”

“Hi, Mary.” All of the other women deadpanned. A rather bubbly looking — in fact the only bubbly looking — redheaded woman smiled and waved Mary over, pointing to the seat next to her. “I’m Charlie!” Said the woman — Charlie — as soon as Mary had been sat down next to her, extending her hand for Mary to shake. “I’m from a show called Supernatural.”

“It’s lovely to meet you.” Mary couldn’t help but smile back at the American woman. She had short- cropped hair like Mary and was wearing a Harry Potter T-shirt that said: “What would Hermione do?” In bold pink letters. Mary could tell that she was going to be a joy to sit next to already(1). She was about to ask what, exactly was going on, when the women standing before them starting speaking again.

“I’m glad everyone could make it here to our first meeting today.” She started, only to be interrupted by a woman with dark hair on Mary’s other side.

“We are dead. We don’t exactly have anything else we can do.” She pointed out with a polish accent.

“Well, you could still be doing something else in the afterlife.” the leader answered, still smiling. “Mrs. Watson, my name is Mary Winchester from the show Supernatural, let me explain what we are doing here and what this is. We call it the Noble Sacrifice Support Group. This particular group is for some of the very recent characters deaths of women in television shows and movies. This isn’t everyone, of course — there are many other support groups — but you have been added to this one.”

Mary nodded slowly in understanding. She hadn’t even known she was a television character until after her on-screen death, and she guessed that these other women had been in the same situation.

She wondered if all of their deaths had been as meaningless as hers.

“So what do we talk about in the support group?” She asked Mrs. Winchester.

“Well, first, I would like to take an attendance of sorts. How many here provided motivation for male characters with their death?” she asked the group. 

Everyone raised their hands.

Mrs. Winchester nodded. “And how many of you were damsels for your male counterparts to try and rescue? You can be in more than one category.”

Mary groaned internally as she raised her hand again.

“And finally, how many of you were mainly present to provide male characters with children?” she asked. Mary raised her hand one last time and wanted to shoot something. Preferably the writers of the God-awful show she had been in(2). 

Mrs. Winchester nodded. “It seems that we have three of us here, including myself, that met all three categories. Mary, Magda, why don’t you tell us what happened. Start with your name and franchise please.”

The dark-haired woman — Magda Mary guessed — spoke first. “My name is Magda Gurzsky, I was Magneto’s wife in X-Men Apocalypse(3).” All of the other women collectively cringed at this, remembering both the meaningless nature of her death and the terrible quality of the film. “My daughter and I were invented for this film just that we could both be killed with the same wooden arrow in order to return my husband to the dark side, only so that he could be made good again by the end of the film.”

Mrs. Winchester gave the woman a sympathetic look. “I am sorry. That is all too familiar a tale among us. What about you Mrs. Watson?”

Mary almost growled as she was flooded with indignation once again. “I am Mary Watson from BBC’s Sherlock and I was shot while protecting my idiot husband’s idiot boyfriend(4).” she explained, teeth grinding. And by an ordinary person too. She was an international mercenary for God’s sake! “What is there to complain about? My existence had no effect on the show except for runtime and delivering a baby so that John and Sherlock(5) could raise it. What more could I ask for?” by the time she was done, she was almost shaking with rage. And what was the point? To get the boys to fight over something else? They would have done that anyway!

Mrs. Winchester nodded in agreement. “Many of us have had similar situations," she said mournfully. Then she turned to the group at large. “All of our deaths motivated the men in our shows or films to do something. Whether that something was good or bad. In my case, my death lead my husband to raise our children as monster hunters even though that was specifically what I wanted them not to grow up doing. And in the end, I was actually killed by a demon who forced my sons to start the apocalypse!”

“Oh come on!” Charlie protested from next to Mary. “This Noble Sacrifice thing is such bullshit! Our group should be called something that actually reflects what happened to us. I vote that we change the name to something like Female Plot Points. Or How to Make Way too Much Money Sacrificing Female Characters(6).”

“That last one is way too long.” Mrs. Winchester pointed out. “But I agree that we should change our name to something different. Does anyone else have any ideas for a name?”

“Hold on.” Said a slight but very stern looking Asian woman from the back of the group. For some reason, she reminded Mary of someone who had tried to kill her back when she was a mercenary. “My death wasn’t meaningless.”

“Who are you, again?” Asked Charlie.

“I am agent Melinda May of S.H.I.E.L.D.(7)” She paused, her frown deepening slightly, “… sort of.”

“What do you mean 'sort of’?”

“I’m an android copy of Melinda May with her memories.” She explained.

“OH, MY GOD! An android?! Seriously? That is so cool!” Charlie squealed directly into Mary’s ear. “Then how did you die?”

“I manually detonated an explosive to buy my team time to escape," May explained calmly.

“Was it to motivate your team to avenge you?”

“No. They were already highly motivated.”

Mrs. Winchester held up a hand, looking exasperated. “Excuse me”, she said. “You’re a robot. A robot can’t feel, can’t care.”

“I cared enough to sacrifice my life, my existence, and the life of … “ Android May trailed off and her eyes fell to the floor, “ of the man I love.” 

May hesitated again. “Sort of”. 

“What do you mean 'sort of’?” asked Charlie again.

“He was actually the evil android copy of the man I love” May responded, with an embarrassed twinkle in her eye

“This is really confusing,” said Mrs. Winchester.

“Yeah, it’s kind of an edge case”, said Charlie softly.

“Well, regardless,” said May, frustrated, “This -”, she gestured around the room, “- doesn’t happen as much in my world. I mean ‘show’. I think things are getting better out there.”

“You’re telling me that no other women have died to motivate the men in your show?” protested Mary.

“Actually, it’s mostly the men who die," said May, thoughtfully.

“Ohh wow …” said Charlie, “That’s great! Maybe things are getting better!”

The door opened then, this time to reveal a man with blonde hair and blue eyes. “Hey,” he said, smiling as he came in. “Name’s Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman. I just wanted to ask if I could join your group. There’s no one else in mine.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1: The shirt was not one that Charlie had had while alive, but rather one that she had created in the afterlife as a sort of personal consolation prize for the meaningless death and seasons of pointless drama she had suffered. How she was able to commission her own personalized Harry Potter shirt in the afterlife shall remain a mystery that future scholars will puzzle over for many years.  
> 2: Mary may be biased here, but considering the circumstances of her death, she is well within her rights.*  
> *It was a really awful show.  
> 3: It is a little-known fact that if you examine the film very closely with a special pair of glasses, you can see a small timer above Magda’s head counting down to her inevitable tragic death.**  
> **This film was also terrible.  
> 4: This is an inside joke. John and Sherlock are not boyfriends. The creators of the show just like to imply that they might have a thing for each other in every episode, and then make fun of fans for pointing it out.  
> Isn’t that funny?  
> 5: It should be noted here that Sherlock consistently displays that he should not be permitted to be alone with small children. Mary’s child will likely join her in the characters’ afterlife sometime within the next five years. Or maybe twenty considering how often episodes of Sherlock air.  
> 6: Charlie Will later write this as a book and sell millions of copies in the afterlife. It will become one of the top-selling books available right after “The Meaning of Life”*  
> *Although how one “sells” something in the afterlife shall remain a mystery.  
> 7: Also known as the Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate, because someone really wanted to call it S.H.I.E.L.D.


End file.
